About

The Daily Seagull is an online source for news and views from a collection of mentally-suspect writers.  Our office is located in Vancouver, British Columbia where our experienced staff keep their fingers on the pulse of news in Canada and around the world.

For more information about the The Daily Seagull and its advertising opportunities please contact us here.

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Kevin Brockman & Matthew Mcgarnickle

Staff Bios

Kevin Brockman- Executive Editor – Kevin Brockman’s origins began in the former Yugoslavia where he was raised by a small flock of sheep and three heads of cattle.  For reasons still unknown, Kevin was unable to learn a basic language and used the bleating the sheep taught him to communicate and express feelings.  An incident at the sheep-shearing barn led to a whip wielding Indiana Jones to rescue and stuffed him into a sack and stowed him away on a derelict Nazi German u-boat bound for the United States of America.    Upon arrival in New York, local deckhand Leigh Patterman discovered the dashing stowaway and took him in as his own son after having lost his previous son in a game of dice hockey.  Over the next 15 years Kevin was beaten severely with corn stalks and his eyes were sprinkled with lemon rinds as the generous Leigh taught him how to be human.

During those terrible transformative years Kevin earned his keep at the docks, operating forklifts and singing in a local choir run by outcast Catholic priests.  By the age of 25 Kevin taught himself how to read and write by studying the wrappings of candy bars his father had used to make his mattress.  It was in the summer of 2008 that Kevin met Matthew McGarnickle during a trip to Vancouver, Canada where Kevin had been sent to audition as Fin, the Canucks’ mascot.

Kevin currently lives alone in the penthouse suite of the Shangri-La and has size 15 feet.

Contact Kevin: brockman@dailyseagull.com

Matthew Mcgarnickle - Executive Editor - Matthew Mcgarnickle has had a passion for journalism from a very young age.  When he was just 2 years old he traveled solo to the Middle East where he covered the Gulf War with nothing but a pencil, some paper and his pajamas.  Mcgarnickle received countless awards for his coverage of the Gulf War and his career has taken off ever since.

While most journalists only cover the ‘who, what, where and when,’ Mcgarnickle prefers to cover the ‘why.’  Mcgarnickle likes to take the ‘why’ out for dinner, charm it with his good looks and sense of humor; and then as soon as the ‘why’ gets comfortable and lets down its guard, Mcgarnickle attacks and pillages the ‘why’ with his bare fists until the ‘why’ has bled its information to death.  This is Mcgarnickle Journalism.

Contact Matthew: mcgarnickle@dailyseagull.com

Joe Nathan - Contributor

Joe Nathan is not your average Joe Six-Pack, although he does have rock hard abs.  Like many, Joe grew up in a small town dreaming big.  At the age of 5, he wrote his first symphony.  At 10, he donated many of his organs to charity.  At 15, he joined the NFL’s New York Jets, leading them to the XXVINWE Super Bowl Championship as starting quarterback.  That’s when things went wrong … very wrong … dangerously wrong.  Joe became addicted to Jelly Tots, the chewy fruit-flavored candy, and on one occasion was found passed out in a gutter with the treats smeared across his naked body.

After 10 years in rehab, Joe was released and found comfort in the world of travel.  After being disappointed at the lack of real travel information, Joe created the hugely popular Desolate Globe travel books.  Written on local flora, the series searches for what locals really do.  Instead of reviewing 5-star hotels and fancy restaurants, Desolate Globe focuses on more realistic options for travelers, like Jorje Vaszquonsez’s cardboard sleeping container, and Mama Mama Granny’s kitchen experience.  The series has become so successful that Joe doesn’t need to work again.  But he does.  Because he’s not your Average Joe, or even an Above Average Joe…

Joe is Nathan.

Addam Hieronymus Bautum (or just ‘Harry’ for short) – Street Reporter

My life’s true trials and tribulations began one fateful autumn morning in 1989 with my unequivocal denial of returning the finished apple juice container to the back of the fridge.  Unable to accept my argument that I had a severe allergy to sucrose, my father, Arnold, long time CIA deputy director, decided to re-implement the controversial MK-ULTRA chemical interrogation program of the 1960′s.  Through covert mind-control he eventually obtained my confession and sent me to boarding school in a rather dreary industrial town neighboring Nuremburg.  He told me it was ‘for my own good’ and that I would ‘come out stronger in the end.’  Unfortunately it was the last time I saw my mother, who a year later, when I was 7, had a mental breakdown and returned to her life as a gypsy in Peru.

When I was 12, I managed to escape the detention camp on the back of wild bore, eventually bartering it plus a lengthy foot massage for a camel back in Algeria.  With enough water to keep me hydrated for 7 to 8 days, I successfully managed the transcontinental journey onboard a marvelously anatomically correct blowup doll.  Hanging on to ‘Sheila’s’ plastic D cups for dear life, I arrived in Lima just 9 weeks later.  However, after a brief diversion in which I spent 7 years as a Peruvian Monk in the Andes, I never did locate my long lost mother Sin-bin.

Last July marked my 6th anniversary as a hobo.  Since leaving South America, I’ve slept on the streets of no less than 94 major cities.  Alas, I found a home, well not really, but a city to call home.  I now live on the grassy knoll of Pandora street in Victoria, BC.  Favorite activities include: sleeping, sumo wrestling, public drunkenness and of course, journalism.  Pet peeves are not limited to: bicycling outfits, pogs and wet cardboard.

Legal Stuff

The Daily Seagull is a satirical online news outlet published by The Daily Seagull Inc.

The Daily Seagull uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized (e.g. Jarome Iginla).  Any other use of real names is accidental and strictly coincidental.

The content of this website – graphics, text and other elements – is copyright 2008 by The Daily Seagull Inc., and may not be reprinted or retransmitted without the consent of the publisher.

The Daily Seagull is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.