Dow Jones Crashes
October 7, 2008 by Matthew Mcgarnickle
Dow Jones, a 44 year old resident of Burnaby, was in a serious car crash today. The crash happened this morning around 10:00am when Jones’ car, a 2000 Acura Integra, veered off the road and collided with a giant brick wall.
Witnesses of the crash said they could see it coming. “Dow Jones has been driving erratically for several months now, so it’s no surprise that he’s gotten himself into a serious crash,” said one onlooker.
Jones is listed in serious condition and it may take 4 to 5 years for him to recover from his injuries. Family and friends have already set up a bank fund to help pay for his speedy recovery. “Life isn’t the same when Dow Jones is injured,” said Fargo Wells, friend of Jones. “I can’t retire until Jones gets better.”
Not everyone is hoping for a speedy recovery though as some are suggesting that Jones needs to learn a lesson. “Dow Jones did this to himself, so he should suffer the consequences and come back when he’s ready,” said a Burnaby local who chose to be left anonymous. “Dow Jones will be back soon, but in the meantime we’ll just have to cope with what we got.”
If you’re interested in donating to the Dow Jones bank fund. Please contact the Lehman Brothers Bank.
hahahahahah for a second I thought this was the first real article here! Well done McGarnickle!