Punks Overwhelmed With Increasing Halloween Decorations
October 30, 2008 by Matthew Mcgarnickle
There are lots of traditions on Halloween night. Young children like to dress up in their favorite costume and trick or treat door-to-door for candy and adults stay home and snuggle on the couch and watch a scary movie. But for young men between the ages of 13 and 18, Halloween night is a license for destruction.
Once the trick-or-treaters are tucked away in bed, the gangs of teenage boys take over the streets and mark their territory with destruction. They light off illegal fireworks, intimidate late-night trick-or-treaters and destroy as many pumpkins and Halloween decorations as possible.
In the past, the amount of Halloween decorations was always sufficient for the demand of destruction that these teenage gangs demanded. But in recent years, as Halloween’s popularity has increased, the supply of Halloween decorations is exceeding the teenage punks’ destructive demand.
Ricky Smythe, a local teenage punk from Burnaby, is feeling the frustration from the increase in Halloween decorations. “A few years ago me and my boys had no problem destroying all of the pumpkins and decorations in the neighborhood,” said Smythe, as he held a lit roman candle. “But now the decorations for Halloween are out of control. I’d say we only have time to destroy about 35% of the total pumpkins and decorations. That’s not good enough and we’re very disappointed with our destruction.”
To keep up with their destruction, the teenage punks are forced to work overtime, which is causing some unrest amongst the punks. There have even been rumors that the teenage punks will unionize to ensure they are properly compensated for their destructive work.
“I would be in support of starting a union,” said Smythe. “It ain’t easy destroying stuff on Halloween anymore. We deserve some recognition and job security.”
One place that isn’t upset with the increased Halloween decorations is Michael’s Craft Store. “We love Halloween,” said Roy Thome, Manager of the Richmond Michael’s Craft Store. “Every year people buy excessive amounts of Halloween decorations, and then the teenage punks destroy it all. So next year, they have to come back and buy the same crap all over again. It’s an awesome cycle!”
So if you’re planning on decorating your house for Halloween this year, make sure you think of the teenage street punks first. Happy Halloween!
Does Ricky Smythe want to join the APC. In order to ensure total destruction of all pumpkins in Vancouver I have put together a rally of all the all punks coalition tonight at Memorial Park. CAN YOU DIG IT! Together we will ensure pure destruction of pumpkins by the might hands of M80’s. Happy Halloween Seagull’s!
You know ….I even put my lit pumpkins outside…..something unheard of just a few years ago. I guess you’re right Daily Seagull the punks just can’t just handle it anymore.