I was Jaywalking when it Hit Me

Think back to joyous times of yesteryear, watching as gas-guzzling Ford Expeditions and V8 military equipped HUM-Vs lurched forward taking up both lanes of a one way street in search of that pivotal over-sized parking space. Instead deciding to plainly angle up onto an unsuspecting sidewalk as hoards of teenage Ferris Bueller wannabes piled ‘high’ in the family Chrysler LeBaron, peruse past you in the downtown core and show off the fact that they’re rebellious enough to skip school.

Backstreet Boys’ newest racket blasts out the windows only to fall to deaf ears, plugged with Discmans sporting the likes of more dance-pop power ballads and worse.

Streets are animated with talented pedestrians in baggy pants, turtlenecks and over-sized silver chains, impatiently maneuvering around idling monster trucks. As soon as a yellow hue of a neighbouring traffic light is detected, people of all ages, races, creeds and disabilities are on the move.

Together as one group of non-vehicular traffic, they check left, then right, and move forth, traversing major streets outside of designated crossing areas. They emerge victorious over a trivial traffic law ‘The Man’ has labeled—“Jaywalking.” With their act of civil disobedience almost complete, they give their fellow believers a friendly nod as they continue their strut, stroll or limp to local destinations.

Fast forward to present day. SUV’s rest alone, tucked away from the street in favour of the car dealership’s trendiest Hybrid. With LeBaron’s all but extinct due to their inability to handle climate change, and sadly, with Brian Littrell and Kevin Richardson having both gone solo.

Unable to deal with hand-held devices such as Discmans, our ears are now corked with Bluetooth devices or iPods clipped to our Cashmere sport coats, boot-cut jeans and patterned scarves. Standing as a group of obedients, we are hypnotized by the glowing red globe above us.  Here we find the opportunity to stop and rest after briskly pacing an entire street block not welcoming, but outright necessary.

Pre-occupied by the requirement of sending a text message to your partner, enlightening them on your previous block’s highlights, followed by the redundant yet subconscious typing of ” and xox.”

Shame on us all for too easily becoming a breed of subservient, well-trained, corner of the sidewalk standing slave. Our streets were not developed for motorized vehicles; they were built for us…the pedestrians (as convenient paths to local gambling and whiskey parlors as well as opportune getaway routes for bank heists).

Since when did Hybrids inherit the right of way? It’s time to take back what’s rightfully ours—the streets. So next time you’re standing in front of a crosswalk waiting for the light to change and spellbound by the latest Wolfmother track on your Nano, snap out of it, be a ‘Man’ and diagonally cross the road (consider looking both left and right if you’re a rookie).

Disclaimer: The recurring Jay Leno segment “Jaywalking” should be illegal and punishable by lethal injection.

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