“Kick A Ginger Day” Upsets Redheads
November 27, 2008 by Matthew Mcgarnickle
The recent rash of violence towards redheads has sparked anger from the redhead community.
The violence stems from a Facebook group called “National Kick a Ginger Day”, which encouraged the over 5,000 members to kick a ginger (derogatory term for redhead) on Thursday of last week.
The idea behind “National Kick a Ginger Day” is believed to be from an episode of the popular television cartoon South Park in which the characters launch a campaign against “gingers”.
Authorities throughout North America are investigating the incidents and significant punishments are expected.
Red Head United, a coalition of redheads in support of peaceful hair co-existence, is particularly disgusted with the recent violence. “We have always fought for hair equality and we have made significant progress in the past several years. But an incident like this takes us back to square one,” said Michael Bones, President of Read Head United.
“We pride ourselves on our patience and understanding, and we have always overcome past incidents with resounding courage. One must look no further than the Hamilton Barbershop incident to verify this.”
The Hamilton Barbershop incident that Bones is referring to was an international hair equality milestone that took place in 1993. For decades, a local barbershop in Hamilton refused to cut the hair of redheads in the main room and would instead force them to a dark closet in the back of the shop where a blind man would cut their hair. On a cold November day in 1993, a young redhead boy walked into the barbershop and sat in one of the chairs right next to the window and demanded a haircut like everybody else.
When the barber asked the young boy to go to the closet for his haircut, the boy responded, “Not this time.”
The incident received international attention and was the spark that led to the creation of the International Hair Treaty in 2002. The Hair Treaty states that all men and women will not be judged by the color of their hair, but instead by the character of their soul. Red Head United was paramount in the passing of this Treaty, and refer to it as their finest moment.
Following the Treaty, Red Head United graduated from their ‘underground’ status and has grown to one of the largest Peace Organizations in the world. Current members include Nicole Kidman, David Caruso, J.K. Rowling and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. The Organization has even expanded to include members who have red facial hair.
Red Head United started as a grassroots organization in the 12th century and has included many famous members including Napolean Bonaparte, Winston Churchill, Shakespeare and Lucille Ball. Thomas Jefferson, another proud redhead, is said to have originally penned the USA Declaration of Independence with a red pen as a tribute to his hair.
Another infamous member was Lizzie Borden, who killed her husband and step-mother with an axe in 1892. The motive behind the murders is rumored to be from relentless teasing about the color of her hair.
When asked where the prejudice against redheads comes from, Bones has a pretty good idea. “In my opinion, I think it comes from jealousy. Redheads have been gifted naturally stunning and colorful hair, and unlike brown, black or blond hair, red hair maintains its color with old age and generally does not grey.”
Bones concludes by saying, “The ‘Kick a Ginger’ incident is another unfortunate reminder that hair prejudice still exists. But the incident is over now, and so begins the process of healing. I say to anyone that wishes to continue this prejudice: be careful what you wish for.”
Lets not forget the ambassador general of the RHU Angie Everghart, model turned B movie star turned ambassador. I smell another Hollywood blockbuster, lets call it “Gingerville”, kinda like Smallville and Heroes combined, with more graphic violence and nudity.
lol nice i still think you should write a commentary and send it off the Sun.
Ps. you missed a hella fun time last night!
I did send it to the Sun, and they said they couldn’t publish it because it was “too awesome for their newspaper”
I heard Recently there was as a less formal “Hug a Ginger Day” to make up for the riots and beatings that broke out on “Kick a Ginger Day.”
Mr. McGarnickle,
Your article conveniently ‘forgot’ to mention that many questionable red-heads form the major base RHU (blondes, strawberry blondes, gray haired folk who ‘claim’ to have been formerly red-headed, and athletic guys who’s mom’s hair is red but theirs has alwasy been mysteriously blonde).
Also, you ‘omitted’ the fact that RHU is in fact an Occult organization are obsessed with mystical handshake rituals and see brown and black hair folk as ‘unter-mensch’ on beer-dice courts everywhere.
Anti-gingite
Why the gingers my friends a ginger and we bash him all the time its just another excuse hes becoming emo and depressed about his life why him????!!!
Why not Bradley with his boffy hair hes big enough to stand up for himself
This is so stupid. It was just a little fun thing to make a day at school some what fun. Jesus Christ. People need to just chill out about this crap.