Lost Hitler Novel Discovered in Berlin
December 10, 2008 by Kevin Brockman
A book has been discovered in Berlin, Germany that appears to be written by infamous Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler. Unearthed at the site of Hitler’s last known whereabouts, a child accidentally pulled up the tattered novel while building a sandcastle in the sandbox where Hitler’s bunker once stood.
The find has sent shockwaves around the world and forensic tests have dated the book to have been written sometime in the early 1920’s. Today, for the first time ever pictures of the book and insight into its contents are being revealed exclusively to The Daily Seagull.
Historians everywhere are hailing the find as one of the greatest in modern history. Historian and part-time dishwasher Cody Smith doesn’t mince words about the significance of the find. According to the expert the book offers a glimpse into Hitler’s ambitions of becoming a designer of high quality furniture. Towards the diabolical conclusion of the book Hitler’s grand plan becomes frighteningly clear. Once his boutique couch shop was established the plan was to annex a home decorating business in Austria. United, Hitler would be able to finally extend his line of chairs, dressers and drapes into France, Holland and beyond.
Unfortunately for the world, Hitler’s ideas and boutique couch shop ambitions blossomed at a time when the world had sunk into an immense depression. While many scrambled just to make enough money to eat, the market for upscale furniture and plummeting demand for floral patterned drapes dashed the dreams of a young, evil man. We all know where that terrible road led.
“Yes, Adolph Hitler was as evil as they come,” Cody explains, “but look at the stitching in this sofa design on page 32. Truly immaculate.” Several drawings and sketches illustrated throughout the book provide a glimpse into the boutique plans and furniture that Hitler loved so much.
Among the most controversial designs in the book is a sketch for a couch that Hitler describes in his own words as “the most kampfy couch ever constructed.” According to the description, the chair was to be made of 100% Marino wool and sport a pattern of lines strikingly similar to Hitler’s own trademark mustache.
The most astounding revelation revealed in the book may be the final chapter that goes into incredible detail about the “kampfy” couch and is accompanied by several real photos of the evil dictator. While photos of Hitler are in themselves not exceptional one photo clearly shows Hitler describing the dimensions of the couch to a local carpenter. In the photograph his arm is clearly raised to shoulder height and his palm is held flat. He seems to be screaming.
This reporter thinks that is a very tall couch indeed.
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