Mike Gillis Plays the Captain Card
September 30, 2008 by Matthew Mcgarnickle
The Vancouver Canucks have a brand new captain, and his name is Roberto Luongo. The Canucks announced today for the first time in over 50 years a goaltender will be the captain of an NHL team.
By assigning Luongo as the captain Mike Gillis, general manager of the Canucks, did two things: 1. He gave the “C” to the most deserved player on the team; and 2. He put Luongo in a position where he has to stay with Vancouver long-term.
Luongo is currently on the third year of a four year contract and there have been mumbles throughout the organization that Luongo is unhappy with the direction the Canucks are going. So Mike Gillis played the ‘Captain Card’ to ensure that Bobby-Lou isn’t going anywhere.
“Now that he’s the captain of this organization there is no way he can say no to a contract extension offer this year,” said Gillis. “I don’t think Loungo would want to upset the fans like that. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy who wants to make children cry. Because when a Captain leaves a team, children cry. And sometimes baby animals also cry.”
Rumors amongst the league indicate that Gillis isn’t finished playing the ‘Captain Card.’ In fact, an anonymous hockey insider thinks that there will be more than one captain for the Canucks this year. “I’ve heard that Gillis is going to announce the Sedins are going to be co-captains as soon as Luongo signs. And once the Sedins are pressured into signing then he’ll give the “C” to Matias Ohlund to get him to sign. It’s a brilliant plan by a brilliant GM, because who wants to be put in a position that could result in children crying?”
In other news, the Canucks also announced that Kyle Wellwood will be the new Waterboy this season and will wear the ‘W’ all year.
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This is the stupidest article I’ve ever read. You should work for the Vancouver Sun!