Movie Reviews From The Future: Jurassic Park 4 (Summer 2012)
December 8, 2008 by Joe Nathan
Jurassic Park 4, the fourth installment to the hugely successful franchise, is set to premier in July of 2012. Through inside sources, The Daily Seagull was given a private screening of the new movie. There is only one word to describe it:
Terrorawesomeistic.
You might ask, is that even a word? You betcha! And you’ll realize that when you see this movie!
Many of the cast members from the previous three films are returning for Jurassic Park 4. They include Sam Neill (Alan Grant), Laura Dern (Ellie Sattler), Jeff Goldblum (Ian Malcom), Julianna Moore (Sarah harding), Vince Vaughn (Nick Van Owen) and Ariana Richards (Lex Murphy).
Joseph Mazello was not able to reprise his role as Tim “Timmy” Murphy, and will instead be played by Anaheim Ducks defenceman Chris Pronger (see photo at bottom). Pronger will play an awkwardly tall teenage version of Timmy. He will still have tremendous enthusiasm for dinosaurs and lame jokes, but will also have a wicked slap shot.
Other surprise cast members include Samuel L. Jackson (Ray Arnold), and Wayne Knight (Dennis Nedry). Both played characters that were believed to be dead in the original movie. However, as Jackson points out, “There were no autopsies performed, and nobody actually saw my character die. Just that his arm had fallen off, and was bloody. You hear me?”
Jackson is taking the role very seriously, and has actually amputated his right arm to make the movie more realistic. He will also continue his usual style of being an angry wisdom man who smokes cigarettes and says his catchphrase, “Hold on to your butts,” in every scene. Somehow, Jackson makes it work, and the 2011 Oscar buzz has already started.
The story begins in Miami, where the characters meet for their annual “We Survived A Dinosaur Attack” picnic. The air is filled with laughter, joy, and peanut butter sandwiches. That is until Nedry makes his surprise appearance with the lost can of shaving cream that held the embryos from the first Jurassic Park.
Over the past 15 years, Nedry has been producing dinosaurs, and upgrading them to make them even more destructive. Velociraptors will now carry machine guns, Tyrannosaurus Rex’s will have bazookas, and Brontosaurus’ will shoot grenades out of their necks. There’s even a brand new dinosaur called the Terroristosaurus.
The result is total mayhem in downtown Miami. To avoid ruining the movie, we won’t tell you that everyone dies at the end.
But they do.
This time, there are autopsies. And … they’re performed by Horatio Caine.
Can you get a hold of that copy? I want to put it up on YouTube asap!
Awesome….I’m holding on to my butt until Summer 2010
In 2010 it will be too late. Nd how can make a nearing 60 Grant , Malcolm run through the forest being chased by dinos? I am more Eager For The 2010 Reboot of SUPERMAN with Brandon Routh. Something tells me that it’ll be beautiful, nd powerful . I think they should make JP4 as a tribute to it’s Author and of course Stan Winston. Take my word T4 will be an upper average fair. like T3 perhaps even less. The should show Carnotaurs without colour-changing abilities in JP4 if they make it. Best Of Luck to the Producers in case they go for it.
why in 2010 people want to see it right now!!
yes jurassic park 4 is coming out in summer of 2009 and we will see jurassic park 4 in summer 2009 ok and the old cast members of the theree jurassic park movies will be back in jurassic park 4 ok and ok then and ok then and ok and other like toy story 3 coming in summer of 2010 spider man 4 coming in 2011 the dark returns coming out 2011 cars 2 coming out in summer 2010 iron man 2 coming out in summer of 2010 ghost rider 2 coming out in summer of 2010 and one more new movie coming out in x men 4 movie coming out in summer of 2010 ok my e mail is walker1984@comcast.net thank you jeff martin
it was canceled
it WILL come out in 2010 and if it doesnt dont be surprised that stephen stielburg ends up assasinated in the news……
this is a whole shit!!!!! every year pass, and jp4 doesn’t go to the big screen… what is happening??? I’ve been waiting for the movie on 2007
I think the new JP is just going to be over rated if there is meant to be Velociraptors carrying machine guns, Tyrannosaurus Rex’s with bazookas, and Brontosaurus’ shooting grenades out of their necks. How pathetic can it get, we want something that is going to be original and believable not garbage like this.. I just hpoe that this is not what JP4 is going to be like otherwise I will be a disappointed fan!
ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING RETARDED THIS IS A FAKE ENTRY FOR THIS MOVIE.
its 2010..now…so where is it
people??
I have been waiting so long for this movie, now that it’s near, I’m just going to hold onto my but and enjoy the scenes
already did
I liked 1 and 3 but. 2 was not that bad but 4 looks like crap
yeah.. i’ve waiting for it jp4. but until now .. there is no update about jp4.it stated above that it will be release on july 2010? but there should be an update or news about it being release this coming 2010.. its already april.. man.. i hope that the preview is not a FAKE.. and still waiting for it to come out..
I really hope there isn’t going to be dinosuars with guns…..
I love JP but they’re going to ruin it if they do that. It was sounding good up until I read that part.
Fake!!! When I see it then I’ll believe….I’m tired of getting lies, I want to believe it and I haven’t seen any trailers for it…..
I realy like it because I like dinosaurs.
pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!!!!!!!! make a jurassic park 5 and 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is way past july 2010 already. Where is the damned movie. There is no defined date till now, they keep on saying coming soon and then pushing the date further.