Peter Pan Recruited To Deal With Supertanker Pirates
November 23, 2008 by Matthew Mcgarnickle
Peter Pan has been hired by Saudi Arabia to recover their supertanker which was stolen by pirates a week ago. The involvement of Pan comes after ongoing negotiations with the pirates were unsuccessful.
The supertanker, called the Sirius Star, was hijacked last week and is now believed to be located in a coastal town in central Somalia. The estimated value of the cargo, which is mostly oil, is $150 million.
Prince Saud Al-Faisal is optimistic that Peter Pan will be able to resolve the situation. “We are all very familiar with Mr. Pan’s ability to negotiate with pirates,” said the Prince.
“The way he dealt with Captain Hook and his posse of pirates in the documentary ‘Hook’ is legendary. We are confident that Mr. Pan will return what is rightfully ours. We wish him more success than our dear friend Rufio.”
Prince Al-Faisal originally contacted Rufio to lead negotiations. However, it is believed that his cocky attitude and funny catch phrases like “Owwy, owwy, I caught a Somali” upset the pirates and hampered the negotiations. Rufio was stabbed to death. He was only 8 years old.
According to his website, Pan’s negotiation techniques include flying, never growing up, tricking pirates into being eaten by giant crocodiles and believing in magic. Pan is also well known for his negotiation uniform which includes tight green pants and a feather cap.
Pan could not be reached for comment, but his assistant, Tin Kerbell, also shared the Prince’s optimism.
“I am sure that Peter Pan will save the day!” said Tin Kerbell. “We just have to believe in him. Do you believe?”
The Daily Seagull gained access to an exclusive photo of Pan negotiating with the pirates (see below).
If you want your boat back why don’t you get Chuck Noris. Now this is a man that can get the job done. Not some guy in green tights.