Suspension Lifted, Avery Duct Tape Rule Enacted
December 5, 2008 by Joe Nathan
The indefinite suspension on Dallas Star Sean Avery for inappropriate use of language was lifted by the NHL on Friday. After meeting with top NHL officials on Thursday, Avery was able to convince them that his words were taken out of context, and that he was truly sorry.
Avery got into hot water on Tuesday over comments he made to the Calgary media. In front of several reporters, Avery said, “I just wanted to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds.” The comments were directed at Dion Phaneuf and his current girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert.
Although Avery’s suspension was lifted, he did not walk away unscathed. The NHL has introduced a new rule entitled the Avery Duct Tape Rule, and it will be placed in the official rule book under Section 34.2-7.
The rule will read as follows:
“Any player that does not conduct himself with the truest intentions of sportsmanship, and fairplay will be held accountable. If that player continuously acts like an idiot, and then makes (obviously staged) crude comments to the media about about an ex-girlfriend (who happens to be hot), he will have to forever play with duct tape over his mouth.”
The Dallas Stars players are excited to see Avery back in the lineup. The team has supported him throughout this ordeal and he’s already been named the replacement Captain for the injured Brand Morrow.
“It’s going to be a real moral boost to see him back on the ice,” said Marty Turco. “I’m already smiling thinking about him huffing and puffing through his nose because of the duct tape.”
“I wonder how he’s going to drink any water?” said Modano.
Another issue for Avery will be communication. Dallas Stars management are already searching for players around the league who also have trouble communicating with words. They have narrowed their search to Daniel and Henrik Sedin of the Vancouver Canucks.
“The Sedins just seem to have this mental understanding of each other and don’t need words,” said Stars co-GM Brett Hull. “They will be perfect linemates for a mute Sean Avery.”
Avery conducted a press coference to announce his joy at the NHL lifting his suspension. Unfortunately, his mouth was duct taped, so he didn’t say anything. However, he did give some ridiculous hand signals, especially one involving his middle finger.
I heard that it was especially awkward for Phaneuf cause he hadn’t even told Cuthbert he loved her yet. Now there relationship has moved to the next stage, all thanks to Avery.
Yeah I heard Avery like Swedish Twins
So Daniel and Henrik would be a perfect fit.