Tiger Woods has name changed to Cheetah Irons amidst scandal
December 11, 2009 by Kevin Brockman
On Friday morning Tiger Woods, the legendary golfer caught in a whirlwind of controversy over repeated sexual intercourse with anyone but his wife legally changed his name to Cheetah Irons. The motivation behind the move is clearly aimed at helping to distance Cheetah Irons from the sinful connotations associated with the now permanently tarnished Tiger Woods name.
In a statement released on his website, Cheetah discussed the move.
I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that his infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all his wife and children. I want to say to everyone that I am almost positive he would ask for forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage he’s done, but I want to do my best to support him. I would like to ask everyone, including his fans, his business partners, the PGA Tour, those 20 gorgeous women and his fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that his family has the time, privacy, and safe haven they will need for personal healing.
I wish him the best of luck in his endeavors. For now, my plan is to join the PGA Tour and strengthen the Cheetah brand. At Tiger’s request, I will accept his wish that I never again wear a red golf shirt that’s two sizes too tight.
The name change has resulted in the expected a storm of controversy.
“I don’t think that it’s a good idea,” says Rogerto Nosital , part-time electrician and full-time busy body. “My fear is that Cheetah is so good that he might be good enough to challenge some of Tiger’s records. We can’t have two athletes at the top of the sport with names like Tiger and Cheetah can we? Will we? Are you looking at me?”
“That mother pheasant plucker!” a man in a chair with two big wheels cursed after seeing the news. “He thinks he knows adversity, I’ll show hi-” The rest of the interview was cut off when he chose not to follow us down the flight of stairs which we took in six or seven steps at a time for a quarter mile, giving our legs an excellent workout.
Terra Bluth, a well respected professional petite canine masseuse and cavity cleansers’ junior assistant from Kitsilano, Vancouver was more concerned about the cats. “How long will it take before I can’t say Cheetah without crying my eyes out and cursing the world?” Bluth goes on to ponder, “but I think that Cheetah’s are faster than Tigers right?”
This publication looked into just that question and has watched the video below over 13 times to find the answer. The Tiger is way faster.
I’m Kevin Brockman.
Order Of Feline: Tiger and Cheetah
That Rogerto guy sounds like a complete tool.
Who wrote this %$#%#$?