UNeconomical Beer Review: Leffe Blonde
March 11, 2009 by Kevin Brockman
It’s Saturday er….Wednesday and that means it’s time for another beer review. This time things are different, and not just because it’s Wednesday and I’m nursing a hangover. This time the beer is UNeconomical. You know, expensive. So lace up your golden shoes and adjust your diamond encrusted belt. Even thinking about this beer at a trailer park will get you shot. Repeatedly. In the groin.
Price (6-pack before taxes): This little bundle of 6-pack joy can be yours for only $12.99 at your local liquor store 6 days a week (curse you Sunday). You can also pick it up at the cold beer and wine store for $14.99 if you are the type of person who tosses hundred dollar bills into the trash and throws out your underwear instead of washing it. Yeah, I do. What, you need some money? Check out my trash can. Need some soiled undergarments? You should be thrown in jail.
Slogan: “Discover Life. Discover Leffe.” What more can I say? I didn’t know about life until this sweet brew touched my parched lips. A brilliant slogan that evokes feelings of trust, adventure, unicorns and discovery. Leffe, meaning life in french, is a beautiful name for a beer that breathes it into you with every sip. So rich in life is a Leffe Blonde brew that I have switched my children over from breast milk to a pint of Leffe Blonde a day. Best of all? No pump required.
Quality: Leffe Blonde has a fresh and fruity aroma. It’s like a brisk walk down Davie Street. It has a subtle banana finish with a hint of clove and vanilla. It even has a hint of caramel in the background. Without wanting to overstate the quality of Leffe Blonde beer I can only compare it to a virgins first kiss. Unless that first kiss was a drunken mistake and you were beaten and placed under arrest. Again, sorry Michelle.
For those who like to enjoy a great meal with their tasty beverage Leffe Blonde goes great with red meat, ham, cheese or any sour dish. I had mine with a 56 ounce steak smothered in Gouda and from what I can remember after waking up in the hospital, the pairing was terrific.
Social Acceptability: Walk into a party or social event with this beer in hand and kings will kneel before you. The Pope will kiss your ring-pop. Birds will sing to you as you walk past their nests and seals will bark like puppies in the streets. The world will be yours, and you will be the world.
Unique Factor: Is the Eiffel tower unique? No, I saw a replica of it in Las Vegas. Are the Hanging Gardens not a wonder of the world? I have never seen them, have you? Does a giraffe not have the longest and most unique neck in nature? Who cares. Leffe Blonde is as unique as all of these things, only uniquerer-er. Take this beer to a party and you can rest assured that it will be only Leffe Blonde there. Have a friend who always drinks your beer but you are unable to scream at him because you are both drinking Kokanee? Leffe Blonde is your solution and vengeance. Spot your mate with this beer and you can finally punch them square in the mouth just like you’ve always dreamed. This is your Leffe Blonde.
Final Score: 6 beers out of a 6 pack. Beer truly doesn’t get any better than this. All joking aside, Leffe Blonde gets the newborn seal of approval. I’d trade one newborn child, my own, for a sixer of this delicious treat. I can make a baby for free. I could never make Leffe Blonde.
Superlative! I’m glad you finally stopped writing beer reviews for the unwashed proletariat (who probably don’t even own computers), and wrote one for the rest of us: princes and captains of industry.
This review was so good that I got off my throne, went to the window, called out to a passing layabout and paid him $1000 to fetch me a 6-pack of Leffe Blonde from the most expensive CBW in town. And I felt I got a bargain.
In all seriousness, this could be the single best article ever written by man or beast. Salut!
Wow, you’ve convinced me. I’m going to grab a few sixers at the rockefeller beer store for the cast of TGS. Great Article!
think i just threw up in my mouth.