Stephen Harper Attributes Steady Diet of Kittens to Lean Physique

September 23, 2008 by Kevin Brockman

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has recently come forward to explain his new, leaner physique. His secret? A steady diet of kittens.

“The campaign trail is long and hard,” explains an energized and radiant Harper in the foyer of his home kitchen. “When I need a boost of energy and some pounce in my step, I look no further than the barnyard out back,” Stephens purrs as he gestures towards the small red barn outside his residence that is home to over 400 stray felines.

When asked to explain the logic of his new and barbaric diet Harper is quick to dismiss the critics, “You know, I don’t get bent out of shape when people eat pigs. My pig Harry out back is my best friend. He is my pet. Just because you have cats doesn’t mean I shouldn’t eat mine.”

While it is unclear at this moment whether Harper’s taste for cute kittens will help or hurt him in the polls this upcoming election it remains certain that he prefers kittens of the orange tabby variety.

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